Expectation | James B Nicola
The first time that I saw the guy
I smiled and he winked.
I didn’t know what he was try-
ing, if at all. I blinked.
The second time I saw him, he
saw me and then half-waved
and, with a finger, beckoned me.
I went and he behaved
so warmly that I felt the great
balloon inside my gut
start to fill with his warmth, inflate,
and I felt happy. But
the fifth and ninth and twelfth times that
I saw him, all he did
was nod and look away. What?
thought I. And then he hid.
Or sort of hid, which was much worse.
So the balloon keeps growing,
as empty as the universe,
as all the winds keep blowing.
If only he’d not thought to pick
me as one to pursue;
if only I could feel the prick
so long, long overdue,
then maybe the balloon would stop
inflating, maybe I
would celebrate to feel it pop
and be able to sigh
again. So, darling, if you find
that I don’t smile or wink,
I’m cruel only to be kind.
Now dry your eyes and think:
because, you see, I sorely know
what you are going through
and would not ever want to blow
up your balloon for you.
The first time that I saw the guy
I smiled and he winked.
I didn’t know what he was try-
ing, if at all. I blinked.
The second time I saw him, he
saw me and then half-waved
and, with a finger, beckoned me.
I went and he behaved
so warmly that I felt the great
balloon inside my gut
start to fill with his warmth, inflate,
and I felt happy. But
the fifth and ninth and twelfth times that
I saw him, all he did
was nod and look away. What?
thought I. And then he hid.
Or sort of hid, which was much worse.
So the balloon keeps growing,
as empty as the universe,
as all the winds keep blowing.
If only he’d not thought to pick
me as one to pursue;
if only I could feel the prick
so long, long overdue,
then maybe the balloon would stop
inflating, maybe I
would celebrate to feel it pop
and be able to sigh
again. So, darling, if you find
that I don’t smile or wink,
I’m cruel only to be kind.
Now dry your eyes and think:
because, you see, I sorely know
what you are going through
and would not ever want to blow
up your balloon for you.